Monday, December 15, 2008
ET's Penis
I think that someday, when extraterrestrial life collides with ours, we will have many things to share with each other. One of the most fascinating pieces of technology that I think that we could offer to the aliens would be our personal computers - after all, man's most glorious achievement was the internet - an incredibly fast way to share erotic material with each other. The aliens would most likely covet these "sex machines" and a galactic civil war would erupt between the different races jockeying for its control. Many would perish---but I really think that we would have made a real difference in the universe.
Thursday, November 13, 2008
Sunday, October 19, 2008
Thursday, October 16, 2008
Sigmund Freud Has Jungle Fever
"A true pervert could use any mad lib at their exposal."
- Katie Gardner
- Katie Gardner
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
Monday, October 13, 2008
KC for Men
If I was ever hired to develop a new cologne, I think that I would call it 'Kindergarten Cop For Men'. It would possess all of the raw masculinity of a police lieutenant but still give off an aroma of childlike innocence that would promote growth and learning for everyone involved.
I've been working on the formula for years now:
3 cups of distilled rain water
2 tbsp. of fermented urine
1/8 cup of crushed honey graham crackers
a liberal amount of colored pencil shavings
3 minute drops of pure ammonia (bleach may be substituted)
*Once mixed, these ingredients must be ceremonially sworn in by an active officer of law enforcement.
Ahh, I can see it now...a Friday night out to your favorite five star restaurant will no longer be complete without this wonderful new fragrance.
I've been working on the formula for years now:
3 cups of distilled rain water
2 tbsp. of fermented urine
1/8 cup of crushed honey graham crackers
a liberal amount of colored pencil shavings
3 minute drops of pure ammonia (bleach may be substituted)
*Once mixed, these ingredients must be ceremonially sworn in by an active officer of law enforcement.
Ahh, I can see it now...a Friday night out to your favorite five star restaurant will no longer be complete without this wonderful new fragrance.
Meeting Famous People
I thought that I saw Dane Cook today in a men's room at the mall. I was mistaken, however - somebody had just forgotten to flush.
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