Sunday, October 19, 2008

Thursday, October 16, 2008

Sigmund Freud Has Jungle Fever

"A true pervert could use any mad lib at their exposal."
- Katie Gardner

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

Monday, October 13, 2008

KC for Men

If I was ever hired to develop a new cologne, I think that I would call it 'Kindergarten Cop For Men'. It would possess all of the raw masculinity of a police lieutenant but still give off an aroma of childlike innocence that would promote growth and learning for everyone involved.

I've been working on the formula for years now:
3 cups of distilled rain water
2 tbsp. of fermented urine
1/8 cup of crushed honey graham crackers
a liberal amount of colored pencil shavings
3 minute drops of pure ammonia (bleach may be substituted)

*Once mixed, these ingredients must be ceremonially sworn in by an active officer of law enforcement.

Ahh, I can see it now...a Friday night out to your favorite five star restaurant will no longer be complete without this wonderful new fragrance.

Meeting Famous People

I thought that I saw Dane Cook today in a men's room at the mall. I was mistaken, however - somebody had just forgotten to flush.

"Columbus Day"

Contrary to popular belief, Christopher Columbus did not discover America in 1492. In fact, the discovery was made a few years later by Apollo Creed.

Give credit where it is due.

Sunday, October 12, 2008

On the Trail '08

I think that if I was running for President I would make a bunch of wild promises that I could never ever keep -- that way, I would win by a landslide vote. Later, if the public called me out on not fulfilling those promises I would say, "I never said any of that." Nobody could contest me, then. Man, I would be a great President.